Funny Quotes
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men more.

By: Colleen McCulloug

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

By: W.C. Fields

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.f

By: Will Rogers

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

By: Tommy Cooper

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.

By: Tommy Cooper

I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace

By: Tommy Cooper

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

By: W.C. Fields

My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden

By: Eric Morecambe

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

By: Emo Philips

 

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